Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
