my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
