Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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