Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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