My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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