Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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