somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So vagazzling was a success
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
