I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
