i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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