I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
