how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
