Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
tell me about the fingering
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