that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
