woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
