oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
