just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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