Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
