Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
