I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You ruined the universe
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
