she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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