What did we do last night that was yellow?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
false alarm, still single
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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