we have pet lesbian snakes
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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