Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
