just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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