Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
