White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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