Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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