weddingsv make me drug and hornr
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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