This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
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Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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