i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
