I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
