You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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