Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
we should paint friendship bongs
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