She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
