i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
