I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
