they need to just BURY HIM!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
