We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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