I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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