He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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