you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
This house was built for laser tag.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
