ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
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Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
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We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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