wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm determined to sit on that face.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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