We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
