dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
