Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
