I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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