The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
