So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
