this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
