I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
