it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
