Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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