the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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