when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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