it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
