Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
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I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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