I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
