Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
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When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
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Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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