so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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