im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
