i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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