Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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