Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
