Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
