he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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