6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
