there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
