Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
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I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
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Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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