you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
