I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
