how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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