I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
