I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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