do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
