i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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