there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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