1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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